Interview subject:
Natalie A
32 year old female.
Diagnosis: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5th Edition defines Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as:
“OCD is characterized by the presence of obsessions and/ or compulsions. Obsessions are recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges or images that are experienced as intrusive and unwanted, whereas compulsions are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that an individual feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly.”
“What kind of OCD do you have?”
“I suffer from a few types of OCD, the main one is contamination OCD where I am petrified of germs (in particular getting them on my hands or body, or the thought of ingesting germs).
But I also do a lot of checking i.e. making sure doors are closed and locked, gas burner turned off, double checking I shut the garage door upon leaving the house, making sure the side gate is closed to make sure the dogs don’t escape from the yard- all of these things are based around fear of harm or something bad happening.
I also do a lot of counting in sequences and in rhythms as I walk or drive. My mind will repeat a certain word or word/number combination over and over when I am anxious about an upcoming event. I also have to say my goodbyes to my wife in a particular way using specific wording because I am convinced that if I don’t, she may come to some harm. When my wife leaves before I get to say my ‘goodbye script’ I usually spend the rest of the day in a panic and worrying that some harm may come to her.”
“How do you experience obsessive thoughts and compulsions?”
“Obsessive thoughts are tricky because they disguise themselves in my brain as logical and necessary thoughts that serve a purpose. I need a lot of help from others to get me to see that my thoughts are not facts, and to question whether there is any logic to them.
The obsessive thoughts are usually about surfaces I have touched and whether there are germs on there. I can almost feel the germs burning on my skin and that’s when I find myself looking for a bathroom or somewhere to wash my hands. My fear is that I will transfer germs from my hands into my body and I will get sick. The thought of throwing up terrifies me, and so I will do whatever is necessary to avoid that.
In my mind, the compulsions are a necessary part of the soothing process. In order to stop the thoughts in their tracks the easiest and quickest way to do that is to just clean my hands. The tricky part is in knowing when to stop cleaning my hands and other objects. How much is too much? This is particularly a difficult question now that the world has been thrown into the COVID pandemic, and we are urged to be mindful of germs, surfaces and clean hands.”
“How does OCD affect your everyday life?”
“It can be time-consuming if I am cleaning my hands over and over again. However, mostly it takes a toll on my mental health. I spend a lot of my day suppressing the urge to compulsively clean and trying to ignore intrusive obsessive thoughts. Some days my OCD anxiety peaks to the point where I cannot concentrate on anything and my heart is pounding. Those are the days when I leave work early and take a mental health day.
There was one point in time when my OCD was so bad that I was terrified to leave my house and then even too scared to leave the bedroom.”
“How do you cope with your OCD?”
“It has been a process that has taken place over many years, but I feel that my main coping mechanism is distraction and reframing my thoughts. Distraction is good because it allows something else to occupy my thoughts while the anxiety calms down, then I have a chance to go back and reframe my thoughts. It usually takes a lot of internal coaching of my thoughts and I have to challenge what I believe to be truth.
Distracting myself with work or music or some other activity also opens up a nice space for me to build up my tolerance for leaving the perceived germs on my hands- A sort of exposure therapy while being distracted.”
“What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with OCD?”
“I would tell them to get professional help, because facing this alone can be daunting. Google the web for therapists that specialize in OCD therapy and try to meet with them at least once a week in the beginning. They will hopefully be able to introduce you to new ways of coping with the obsessions and compulsions.
I have also found a great deal of help by going to my local library and finding books on OCD help, which is a good place to get started and there are workbooks out there with exercises to practice.”
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